Ecanus•net :: Poems
So here we are, Fallen Angel's poetry page. I thought about arranging them by subject, then I thought about arranging them by date, and then it all started getting rather complicated, so I decided instead just to stick with a plain and simple A to Z by title. Want to see all the poems with titles beginning with C? Just click the 'C' and as if by magic the poems shall appear! Them squirrels that run this place ain't half speedy!
This is my assorted collection of poems spanning the years. These cover many times, places and feelings. Some have details of where I was when I wrote them, what I was doing, and what inspired them. With others, it's so long ago now I've no idea where they came from, only that I liked them enough to keep them around.
Some were written as 'me', some for other people, and some while I was trying to get "into character" for whatever I happened to be writing at the time – the weird ones, I'm claiming insanity grounds on. ;–)
Test of faith
It wasn't because you didn't call,
didn't leave a message or word.
That didnít surprise me.
It wasn't really because you didn't arrive,
never thought to let me know,
so that I imagined you dead
in all manner of horrendous accidents.
It wasn't even because I'd tidied up
especially for you,
done things that could have waited,
readied cups for you,
and rehearsed my words
of what I needed to say –
over and over.
It was because I allowed myself to believe –
That Last Day
If I'd known that was the last day,
the last day you would be there,
the last day we would be together,
I would have done things differently.
I would have said things left unsaid,
I would have made the day special,
marked it in some way.
But it was just another day,
many more to come.
I did not count.
You left with a goodbye,
and I'll see you later.
You left without looking back.
And I didn't know.
That night I dreampt of daemons,
winged black, and swirling and wheeling,
They were a malevolent force,
crowding my consciousness
and sucking me down into sleep,
black lace wings brushing my face,
caressing me with razor talons.
But I could not give in to their sweet siren's song,
whispered lullabies heard barely,
above the hum of the machine.
Now still machine.
Yet their song enchanted me still.
That night I dreampt of daemons.
Not at rest.
Not in peace.
The grass is greener
The grass is greener on the other side, or so people say,
But you usually find it doesnít happen that way.
If the grass is greener I've realised now,
It's usually from what comes from the back end of a cow.
As I stand at the mirror, looking at me
Sometimes I wonder what other people see
Do they see me, the me I think I am?
Or do they see only an image, facsimile, an ideogram?
Do they see my dreams, my hopes and my fears?
Or is what they see of me only a veneer?
Do they ever stop and look beneath the skin?
Or are the inner me and outer me bound together therein?
Is the me of yester year the me of today?
Is the me of tomorrow the me of yesterday?
How can I be sure that I'm the me that I portray?
Is what people see what I want to convey?
How can I be sure what other people see,
and if I cold be someone else looking, would I like me?
I'm me, I'm me forever, and that I cannot change
But admit I do have faults, which I'd gladly exchange.
My body, my heart, my soul are mine and mine alone and with them I must live
With them I do the best I can, that's my objective.
So when I stand at the mirror, looking at me
It doesnít really matter what any of us see
So long as I try my best, the best that I can give
I'm happy with me and by that adage I will live.
The One I Loved
Your bear sits on my pillow,
Thoughts of a better day.
You said he smiled.
I said he growled.
But now you've gone away.
I run my fingers through his fur
and tweak his button nose.
I smile and laugh as I always do
In the most elaborate pose.
The bear sits on my pillow,
He's all I've got of you.
I cried for weeks those foolish tears,
But now I know we're through.
That bloody bear sits on my pillow,
I wish it wasn't there.
And I know it's a lie but I sit and smile
And pretend I just don't care.
Trying to forget
Speak not of it and it never happened,
Close your eyes and wipe it from the past,
Speak of it only in hushed tones
So the enormity of it cannot be here and now.
If only life were that simple.